Fiona Apple - Get Him Back (Album: Extraordinary Machine)
Man, do you guys know that I really didn’t give ‘Extraordinary Machine’ a fair shot until this week? Weird, especially since Fiona Apple’s second record “When the Pawn..” is kinda my shit. I shit you not.
Anyways, I still really haven’t made it through the whole record coz I can’t get over the onetwopunch of this track and 'O Sailor'. That’s Track 2 and 3 for baby jesus’ sake! Sick shit so I hit repeat like woah! My rewind button is about to file a restraining order anytime now.
I remember first hearing about the record from some random, Free-Fiona tshirt-wearing, rabid stan and finding out that there was gonna be a track called “Get Him Back.” I clearly remember going: Aww dang girl, you better not have some self pity-laced track about winning some dude back. Anything but sad sack-y, self pity! I get enough of that via Facebook status updates.
But then the chorus hits you and you realize that Fiona’s totally flipped your bitchass expectations of the ”get him back” phrase; she’s opted to twist it into some deliciously demonic, heartbreak-ain’t-got-shit-on-me revenge, rampage shit:
"But wait till I get him back He won’t have a back to scratch Yeah, keep turning that chin And you will see my face As I figure how to kill what I cannot catch”
Badeffinass! Now I look like a presumptious idiot. Thanxalot, lady. Standing ovay!
P.S Do y’all remember back when her ‘Paperbag' single hit the airwaves (FYI - Fiona's chorus went “Hunger hurts but starving works when it costs too much to love”) and all the parents with too much time and very little imagination were all like: OMG this crazy chick is encouraging anorexia amongst our impressionable daughters! LOLercoaster. Ohthegoodoldays.
Sure, posting this is mad late in internets-based time, but I still haven’t figured out why this awesome track is called “Ugly Girls.” I tend to obsess over minute details such as this; unanswered questions bother me to the point where I rock a constipated look 24/7. Why label a track ‘Ugly Girls’ if you’re not gonna rap about ugly girls? Why? Why? WHY? AHHHHH. You’re making my empty head hurt. Are you calling haters ugly girls? Are you calling all of us ugly girls? Are you calling me an ugly girl? Umm, dude I just got a fresh cut and I totally look like a dude now! Plus, I’ve got a lot of personality so I really don’t even need to look that good. That’s what my grandmama told me. And she ain’t never lie!
WHY DOESN’T THE RANDOMNESS OF THIS SONG TITLE BOTHER YOU? This is like giving me a birthday cake but then having the icing on it say “I hope you die alone, in a forestfire.” Why would you do such a thing??? Explain yourself!
Anyways, I’m sure we all agree that the track’s dope and that it’s pretty rad when Lito raps “My work ethic and talent don’t match my appeal / So what’d I do? Get that weight gone, diet pills” YEEEEEEAAAH! It almost makes me wanna forgive him.
Maybe y’all can help me sort out this workplace discussion. I always find myself provoking these but never getting any closure.
So anyways, here we go: Upon seeing this random-ass video of some white girl speaking fluent Japanese, Mike, a coworker of mine noted that girls with exposed cleavage rocking Jesus chains was pretty oxymoron-ish. I’m guessing he had issues with the sexually suggestive overtones of b00bage clashing with the ideals of purity and piety implied by a cross.
My response was obvious. I remarked: “Yeah, totally. They’re pretty much motorboating Jesus.”
Jenn, another coworker of mine, responded a few minutes later by proclaiming her preference for the term “tittyfucking Jesus.”
So yeah, we’re at a stalemate here. What do you think? Girls rocking crosses cloaked with cleavage: Is this equivalent to them motorboating Jesus or them tittyfucking Jesus? Please take a few minutes out of your busy schedules to mull over this important question. Thanks.
P.S Sorry Jesus. I was just being honest with my thoughts. Don’t h8 me, plz!
We’re Famous - Aesop Rock featuring EL-P (Album: Bazooka Tooth)
So yesterday, while I was doing my crackfiend lean and impatiently waiting in line at McDonalds, I overheard some douchemeister connect the sorta-but-not-really-shutdown of Def Jux & the overall failure of “real” artists like Freddie Gibbs to the rise of Gucci Mane and his ilk. There was also a predictable “Boohoo new rap’s stupid, hip hop’s dead” bitchfest that followed. I didn’t get the chance to pay too much attention coz I was too busy making out with my Big Mac. SORRY Y’ALL, I’M A LOVER, NOT A FIGHTER!
Anyways, on a totally unrelated note, here are excerpts from EL-P’s verse on “We’re Famous”
“That’s why I always get respect from true soldiers That laugh at the critics claiming every year: “Hip hop’s over.” FUCK YOU, hip hop just started It’s funny how the most nostalgic cats are the ones who were never part of it But true veterans’ll give dap to those who started it Then humbly move the fuck on and come with that new retarded shit”
“They’ve been failing for years and call themselves Vets, that’s bold Motherfucker, you’re not a Vet you’re just old I’ll slap the shit out you to continue my nerd rap Making this money fist over fist, fuck what you heard Rookie cats talk about boom bap and golden ages Pat themselves on the back for making that new outdated shit But I’ve been putting out vinyl since ‘93 and never looked back once At y’all trying to chase me You don’t innovate because you can’t innovate It’s not a choice despite what you might tell your boys Keep your identity crisis under the table I always knew who I was and I’ll always be more famous”