“Yo, yo if you think I’m on some sweet shit
Then won’t you creep quick, I let the heat spit
Make a nigga jeep flip
Classic criminal, keep a gat by my genitals
Thugs love me, so don’t get splashed for the minimal
We never vest up, be in a double breast tux
Plus keep a fresh cut, picture me getting left stuff
I let one loose, to show you I ain’t the one, duke
And I ain’t puffin’ nuthin’, make all my guns shoot
You let your gun loose, none of ‘em niggas gun proof
Watch them niggas drop, when I pop one in they sunroof
And we be lead bustin’, leavin’ niggas head gushin’
You niggas talkin’ ‘bout guns like you said something
I’ll be lacin’ ‘em, hollow tips, I be wastin’ ‘em…”
So last weekkk, we had this Multicultural Lunch thingamajiggawhojiggawhat @ work. Here’s the premise: Everyone from our dept (+ company wide volunteers) brings in some authentic homecooked cultural cuisine, we set up a ridiculously affordable buffet lunch for the whole office and all proceeds raised go to charity. All good in the white collar hood, right? Well, almost. See, though everybody likes to pretend that it’s a happy-go-lucky family affair, on the downlow, this ishhht gets seriously competitive. People stay up late and workkk hard on their culinary arts, trying to cook up the hottest dish of the day. The food containers practically bleed with Iron Chef beads of championship rivalry sweat.
So on the day of the lunch, everyone’s hassling me about my cultural dish. I didnt make one obviously. But as always, I had plans. An hour before the event, my coworker Dustin and I jet to the nearest supermarket, get two packs of icecream sandwiches and bring it to the Multicultural Lunch buffet. We claim it’s an exotic French dessert called “Sandwich du Ice Creme de la Creme”
*Cue stares puffed with fuming hatred from everyone who toiled under burning midnight oil for their contributions*
P.S But srsly though, do you really want the approval of people who don’t like some
icecream sandwiches Sandwich du Ice Creme de la Creme? Who are you ppl? Are you even ppl?
LOLercoaster x 10. Legendary ishhht!
Srsly though, so many poignant questions unanswered:
Are you a lizard? Have you tasted human flesh? Have you eaten any Mexican babies? Does the lizard council appoint a president?
And that’s just the first half.